Neurotic

John and I went to the Dr. to get my due date and hear the heart beat. I never knew that there were feelings out there like the one I got when I heard and saw that quickly beating heart. I'm not going to spend my entire blog discussing my emotions (lord knows I'm everywhere when it comes to that) regarding my pregnancy, for I'm sure that it is nowhere near as exciting to you guys as it is to me, but damn, I've never felt anything like this before.

The astounding thing was the change of mind frame instantaneously from a central concern radiating around John and I to a more global concern of, "Oh my God, are we going to be able to do this?" I mean, you'd think that me getting pregnant wouldn't have caught me off guard like it did, after all, we have been trying for about eight months now... Still though, when that little pee stick told me that my life was about to change forever, I was shocked.

John was even more taken aback by the situation then I was. I called him in to tell him that we were pregnant and he didn't believe me! He said, "You're not pregant..." In a slightly dismissive tone, kind of like the one that people use when they think that someone is being a crybaby. You know, that one that usually accompanies a sentence like, "Come on get up, I didn't hit you that hard." I assured him, that indeed the stick of truth indicated that either something was very odd about my pee, or we were going to be having a baby in a little less then a year. Upon viewing said stick, his eyes got huge, and he uttered the words that I will always remember: "Oh my God, it says your pregnant, do it again!"

Flashes of the movie Knocked Up came to my mind, especially the scene which involves a shopping expedition solely for the purpose of buying every last kind of pregnancy test out there and a subsequent night of using every last one of them up. I love John for his reactions, they make me laugh, namely, making my world so much better. This is one memory that will be tucked away for future use and I'm sure, told at many a family gathering until everyone is sick of hearing about it, and probably even a few times after that.

John and I spend much of our time theorizing about how our children are going to look, behave, and I guess, just be... We've even thought about our hopes and dreams for their future; Like being in a happy, healthy relationship, getting a good education, making money doing what they love... All the things that I'm sure every parent frets about. I wonder if it's ok that I'm pondering all these things, seeing as how my baby is a little bit bigger then a grain of rice right now, and isn't even recognizable as a male or female. I've always been the kind of person to take life as it comes, but this, my God, there should be a manual with step by step instructions to follow.

So, with my neurosis exposed for all the world to see, I'll bid you a goodnight. I hope that you have a much more calming reflective thinking process then I do, for the world would be a crazy place if we all worried about things we can't control, oh wait, most of us do anyway... That explains a few things.