I came out of our bedroom the other day after folding a load of laundry only to hear the sweet sounds of Brahm’s Lullaby coming from Ocean’s nursery. I walked into her fabulously pink room to see John standing with one hand on the edge of her crib and the other petting the scrumptiously soft pink ballerina sheets covering her mattress. Her mobile was twirling away and John had a distant look in his eyes.
I walked in and put my hand on his shoulder. He looked at me and said, “I can’t believe that I’m an adult now, I still feel like a big kid. “I can’t believe that I’m going to be responsible, entirely responsible for another life, how did I become so grown up?” I hugged him and we finished listening to the lullaby. Much was discussed that night regarding how quickly things have progressed to this point. It’s been something that both of us wanted, yet never really believed that we could achieve.
We’ve been together since June 16th of 2006. The day I left my ex-husband was the day I began a new life with John. I knew from the moment I met him at work that there was something about him, I was immediately head over heels for him and spent quite a bit of time irrationally irritated at him because I was still married and couldn’t get him out of my mind. He made me weigh my options, and I knew that the life I had been living was not even a shell of the life I wanted for myself—so I left it behind and never looked back.
I wasn’t sure if John would be there like I hoped he would, but I knew that leaving was the only thing I could do to save the remnants of myself. John was more than there and within a month I was wearing the most amazing engagement ring on my finger and living a fairytale life that I thought would only be mine in dreams. We spent many lazy afternoons lying in bed, looking out the window and talking about what we wanted in life.
John said that he wanted children. I had never wanted to be a mom when I was with my ex, but with John, all I could think about was how great of a father he would be and how complete my life would feel being a mother. We talked about backyard barbeques, and white picket fences, big gardens full of flowers, and football games, cheer meets and birthday parties… I couldn’t believe that all of this could be mine, much less, that I was with someone who I honestly believe was reading my mind. I know we were seeing the same images in our imaginations.
John’s first gift to me was a card and an African Violet, his card apologized for the fact that he couldn’t get me a garden right now, but that he would in the future. He hoped that his flower would hold me over till then. We moved into an apartment together two months after Chapter One of my fairytale. I planted our patio area with some variegated ginger, Impatiens, and a few other odds and ends. Friends would stop by for bbq’s and we would inevitably end up outside on the patio chatting and enjoying a couple beers. I fell even more in love with John the day he fiercely defended my flowers from an ill placed foot. I couldn’t believe that he paid that much attention to my little garden and was willing to go to battle for it.
Fast forward to the first days in our home—our very own home—we have a white picket fence now, a lot of nice toys, the start of a garden, and a daughter on the way. John looked at me one night and took my hands in his. He asked me what else I wanted in life, saying “well May, we have our white picket fence, we’ve got our garden, our dogs and our baby on the way… I’m a cop, doing what I’ve always wanted to do, and I can hardly believe we’ve made it here. I think that we can do anything.”
We’ve spent hours laying next to each other propped up on pillows and dreaming big dreams about the future. Who knows which ones we’ll choose to pursue. Some have come in delirious states, like the ones that may have been overheard by nurses in the halls of UCLA shortly after we were engaged. John had a stroke and amidst tears of pain and fear we talked about what our future held. When he was conscious, he spent his time telling me that everything was going to be ok, petting my hair and singing to me. He asked me to marry him yet again during one of those sleepless nights spent in a hospital bed.
Nothing stopped or even really slowed our progress towards what we wanted, and now, well, now we have it. Granted, we are in Southern Georgia, but our life is beautiful, and we’re all grown up. Ha, yeah, well, as grown up as two scared 20 something-year-olds can be. I can’t believe how quickly this has all happened, and it scares me that the rest of my life will come in a flash. I don’t want to miss anything, for everything is exactly as I dreamed it would be. I don’t want to blink for fear that Ocean will be walking down the aisle with her very own prince charming before I know it. I want nothing more than for her to feel as fortunate and lucky in life as I do—my heart hurts with the tremendous amount of gratitude I carry in it and I spend my days eternally grateful for all that I have.
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