Procrastination Revisited

So, it has been a while, as I’m sure the date on my last blog and the date on this current one will be more than willing to reveal. I have many excuses as I’m sure you can guess, and I will not even begin to list them; for I know that you will be sitting in your office chair nodding your head and thinking quietly to yourself, “damn, she’s got this procrastination stuff down pat.” Well, yeah, I do, so pat me on the back and tell me good job rather than scrolling back up and checking for the length of time between this entry and the last.

I’m sitting on two boxes of books at the current moment (my make shift office chair), but I am in fact in our new “office” in my gorgeous new house. OUR new house, my God, we own this. John promised me when we first started dating (a month before we were engaged), that he would get me a garden some day—In fact, John’s very first gift to me was a little pot of African Violets, and a handwritten card detailing how eventually, the day would come that I would have my own garden in my own house with my very own white picket fence. True to his word, only a few weeks past the two year anniversary of the ending of my old life and the beginning of this wondrous one, he’s given me all those things.

I knew he had good intentions, but I just didn’t know that things could pan out exactly how we had imagined it on those leisurely afternoons lying in his bed in his mother’s house while we stared out the window and dreamed of our future lives. Somehow the stars aligned, making this a possibility and with the incredible amount of support and love we’ve received from every member of both of our families we were able to make things happen. I never knew people could be so insanely generous—I’ll just leave it at that.

As far as procrastination goes… I’m counting my blessings in that department as we speak. I have a whole house to unpack and a ton of homework to catch up on. Plus a plethora of other things that I really don’t feel like doing at this particular moment so it would seem like now is the perfect time to catch up on some much needed blogging—impressive isn’t it, my use of procrastination for my benefit is masterful, yes I know it.

I really don’t have much to say, mainly because I am at a point in my life where so much is taking place so quickly that I simply can’t pick just one thing that I should write about. I don’t know where to start so I just figure I’ll let it all simmer, you know, things get better with age and eventually I’ll pull out a little tidbit here or there and share some three month old news with you.
I had a Dr.’s appointment on the first, and John was able to make it to this one—Actually, I should rephrase that, he’s made it to every single one except for the one before this last one, and has been happy about going to each and every one of them. The Dr. had me lay back on the examination table which is standard procedure to prepare for listening to the heartbeat. I lifted my shirt so I could get some of that lovely ultrasound jelly squirted on my belly and John looked at me and said, “Oh my God, I can see your bump now, you actually have a baby belly!” I kind of laughed and said, “well yeah, I’ve had your daughter growing in there for the past eight months, I would hope I have something to show for it!”

We got to hear Ocean’s heartbeat as is standard at these appointments and John said something that I’ll never forget: “Every time I hear that, it’s just like hearing it for the first time.” I smiled to myself and reminded myself how very fortunate I am to have such a strong loving person by my side. Later on that night, amidst a sea of boxes John stopped packing and took both of my arms in his hands. He looked into my eyes and asked me if he had missed anything. I wasn’t sure what he meant, and when I asked him for clarification he said that at the Doctor’s office he realized that he hadn’t even noticed that I had a bump and that he was concerned that maybe he hadn’t been paying enough attention to me, or that he’d been spending too much time away at work or asleep (he works long shifts), to really see what was happening. He was also concerned that he would miss some of Ocean’s growing up just like he missed my growing belly, and the worry in his voice was heart wrenching.

I feel that with just the simple fact that he is so deeply aware of the speed at which life comes at you, hence the quickness it can pass you by means that he will never let such things happen between him and his daughter. I couldn’t ask for more and I can’t wait to see his face when he gets to hold Ocean in his arms for the very first time.